


I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do

by TheSubtextMachine



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol Is Consumed, Bickering, Episode: s04e14 I Do, Fix-It, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, au where kurt goes to nyu with sebastian, references to seminal classic Hello Dolly!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSubtextMachine/pseuds/TheSubtextMachine
Summary: “Once in show choir, always in show choir. Why else do you think I’m in Ohio for Will Schuester’s wedding?”“Because you want to get your dick sucked?” Sebastian supplied.“Then why would I invite you? Your job is literally to keep that from happening.”“Because you’re a masochist, probably.”-Kurt's going back to Ohio for the Schue's wedding, and he brings Sebastian to make sure he doesn't hook up with Blaine in the process. It turns out that just because romance definitely won't happen with Blaine, doesn't mean that romance won't happen at all.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 440





	I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the ABBA song!

“How much do you think Schuester’s gonna flip his tits when he sees me at his wedding?”

“God, you talk like such a straight person, why are we even friends?”

Sebastian scoffed, slowing down his gait as people around them kept pace, streaming in through the church doors, merely moving around the slowed pair in their way.

“Woah, Kurt, I didn’t know you were a _heterophobe_ , I expected so much better of you.”

“I have straight friends,” defended Kurt, before picking up the pace again. He walked ahead a few steps and looked behind him, only to see that Sebastian had stopped completely in his tracks, his mouth dramatically agape. Upon seeing that he had Kurt’s attention, Sebastian pitched the most theatrical gasp he could.

“That’s what the bigots say, Kurt. I thought you were so much more tolerant,” said Sebastian, causing Kurt to roll his eyes. After a moment of stillness among the sea of wedding goers, some familiar faces and many unfamiliar, Kurt sighed and walked back to Sebastian.

“You’re a real piece of work. You know that, right?” Kurt asked, before holding out his forearm.

“I’d want nothing less,” said Sebastian smugly, before reaching out to it and snugly fitting it to his, so Kurt could properly escort him into the wedding.

-

Meeting Sebastian at his “History of LGBTQ Activism” elective class was a shock, but by far, the biggest shock was that Sebastian willingly sat next to him on the first day.

And then the next day, and then the day after that.

 _The thing about NYU_ , said Sebastian, anytime anyone asked how they got from sniping at each other to falling asleep on each other at least once every other week, _is that it makes for some strange bedfellows_.

Of course, every time Sebastian said that, Kurt had his rehearsed response of “don’t call me a bedfellow, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole”, despite the growing frequency with which Kurt found himself on Sebastian’s lap (“it’s not gay, just comfortable and convenient” “sounds like my dick” “Sebastian, I will personally castrate you if you don’t shut your mouth”).

To both of their surprises, Blaine hadn’t really come up until a couple weeks before Kurt was headed back to Lima. During the whole Teenage Dream Redux Situation, Sebastian was by no means a confidant. He was much more comfortable in the role of providing emergency liquor and then running out as fast as he could while his touchy feely friends dealt with a crying, jilted Kurt. 

It came up when the two of them were on a subway, smushed up against each other on the bench. Kurt checked his phone, humming under his breath without knowing he was doing it in the first place. Sebastian, naturally, was enthralled, his focus darting between spying on the screen and looking at Kurt’s face, scanning for any reaction.

Then, it hit.

A text from “X DO NOT TEXT X”, asking “haha yeah, I love that! Or… what if we did… GAGA?”

Kurt appeared unfazed. Sebastian, without knowing it was possible, was somehow even more fascinated.

“Who the fuck is Do Not Text?” he asked, causing Kurt to jump a little bit, a relic of jumpiness from high school. It made Sebastian hurt, for a quiet second, for reasons he didn’t totally grasp.

“He’s none of your business,” said Kurt, his face adopting a forced coolness that hinted to Sebastian that this was definitely a sore spot.

(Sebastian, despite himself, loved sore spots.)

“Let me guess… small dick hookup, but a brilliant role player,” began Sebastian, immediately earning an admonishing look to a mother with a three year old on her lap, before he continued, “he’s trying to pitch you his idea for a musical themed scenario. You know he can’t satisfy you like you need, but you’re still curious, so you lead him on and-”

“It’s Blaine.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The awkward silence was palpable. 

“I didn’t know you were texting him,” said Sebastian, thinking back to the tendrils of the story he had heard. He knew that Blaine cheated, that Kurt was destroyed over it, and not much more. 

“It’s complicated.”

“Clearly.”

Another beat of silence. Sebastian couldn’t tell whether he wanted an explanation or not, this just felt… _weird_? Like a disappointment and almost some guilt and a lot of other tangled shit that he didn’t have the emotional literacy to begin to tackle. He didn’t need to ask, because with a sigh and an absolutely exhausted look (Sebastian hadn’t seen Kurt that tired in a while, not even during finals week, or during one of their all-nighters), Kurt dove into the explanation. 

“Schuester’s getting married, and Blaine’s my plus one.”

“He didn’t get an invite?”

“No, he got his own, but I don’t know it’s- it’s complicated.”

“So why take him? Are y’all, like, gonna hook up?” Sebastian asked, not quite knowing why that question made him feel gross, especially since he was so loudly talking about dicks earlier.

“I don’t want to, but I probably will.”

“Huh?”

“My self control is shit when I’m around them. It’s a bad idea that’ll easily set me back emotionally, but I can’t not go to his wedding, and Blaine’s going to be there, and all the other Glee kids want us together and he can get pretty persuasive so…” explained Kurt, but Sebastian remained as confused as ever.

“Kurt, you’re an adult, I think you can keep yourself from hooking up with Blaine for one night out of the year.”

“That’s like you saying you won’t smoke weed on New Years. You swore up and down that week that you wouldn’t go near it, and then you sent me at least five Snapchats of you doing smoke rings while wearing those stupid New Years sunglasses.”

“Fair.”

“I just- my smart, New York brain says don’t let him suck my dick, right?” 

“I’m following so far,” said Sebastian, with the beginnings of a wry smile on his face.

“But my idiot, farmland, Ohio brain is saying that not only should I let him suck my dick, but that we should also elope on sight, and have eighteen gay babies-”

“Gaybies, you mean?”

“Shut up. What I’m saying is that I cannot let my Ohio brain take over, but I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to kill my romanticism, stupidity, and-”

“Libido?”

“Yes, that too. How would I even begin to kill that?” asked Kurt. The mother from across them had, at this point, securely placed her hands over the ears of her kid. It gave both Kurt and Sebastian a little chuckle.

“Want me to go with you?” Sebastian asked, the words leaving his mouth before he even stopped to consider them.

“What?” Kurt asked, laughing a bit with his words. Sebastian realized, in that moment, that Kurt thought he was joking. At the same moment, Sebastian realized that if he wanted it, he had an out.

He considered it for a moment.

“No, seriously. Do you want me to take you to Lima? I’ll chaperone you at the wedding and make sure that nothing happens. I’ll yell ‘leave room for Jesus’ any time he gets within, like, fifty feet of you.”

“You’d really do that?” Kurt asked, and Sebastian realized, in an all consuming thought, that Kurt was blushing.

“Yeah, I would.”

-

“Should I wave hello or would that be weird?” Sebastian asked as he and Kurt took their seats in the church.

“Who would you even wave hello to?”

“I know so many people here, it kind of feels weird that you’re the only one that I’m acknowledging.”

“Are you really in the space right now to go over and acknowledge Rachel Berry?” Kurt asked. He looked around, trying as hard as he could to not look for Blaine in the crowd, but not looking for anyone else in particular. When he didn’t find Blaine, he sighed and stared at the ceiling, feeling the fatigue wear him down just a bit.

“I’m never going to be in the space to acknowledge Rachel, you know that.”

Kurt tried to ignore the fondness that ran in Sebastian’s tone and instead let himself indulge in a memory.

“Remember when you and Rachel took me out to coffee that one time?” Kurt asked, knowing that Sebastian’s answer would be yes.

“Of course I do.”

“I don’t think I could forget if I tried. That whole ordeal was traumatic,” Kurt said, and Sebastian snickered by Kurt’s side, and he felt the oddest rush of relief pass through him at the sound.

“Remember when she called me a spy? Even though none of us are in show choir anymore?”

“Once in show choir, always in show choir. Why else do you think I’m in Ohio for Will Schuester’s wedding?”

“Because you want to get your dick sucked?” Sebastian supplied.

“Then why would I invite you? Your job is literally to keep that from happening.”

“Because you’re a masochist, probably.”

“Looking back on my personal history, that doesn’t surprise me,” said Kurt, not without a touch of disappointment in his voice. 

Sebastian himself couldn’t tell if he was just on guard tonight or if he’d become more attuned to the nuances of Kurt’s voice, but instead of thinking about that he opted instead to grab Kurt’s hand, to pull his attention from whatever pain he was harboring to Sebastian’s presence.

“You’re not a masochist for having feelings or whatever, if that’s the path your mind is going down.” said Sebastian, giving Kurt’s hand a squeeze. Kurt was the one to pull his hand away, dramatically rubbing it on his jacket.

“Don’t infect me with those herpes hands,” he said, hiding a hint of a smirk in the corner of his lips.

“Wow, you are feeling down. If Herpes Hands is the best mean name you can come up with, I’ve got to cheer you up big time,” joked Sebastian, hoping against hope that Kurt wouldn’t think that he was hurt by the subtle rejection. Because he totally wasn’t. That would be the move of someone who wanted to hold Kurt’s hand and that totally wasn’t Sebastian. Totally.

“Trust me, I’ll spend this entire ceremony trying to come up with a better nickname.”

“I don’t know, now that I’m thinking of it, Herpes Hands does have a ring to it,” mused Sebastian, before catching sight of Blaine from the corner of his eye, specifically Blaine walking down an aisle, getting much closer to them, almost as if he was-

“Kurt! And Se-Sebastian? What are you doing here-”

“Blaine I would love to talk but the ceremony is about to begin, I’m sorry,” said Sebastian, lying out of his ass.

“Oh, I’m just saying hi to Kurt, I’m not trying to-”

“Is that the wedding procession?” Sebastian asked, perking up while Kurt buried his head in his hands. 

“I don’t hear anything,” said Blaine as his eyes began to squint, almost like they were examining Sebastian.

“No that’s- I have really good hearing, so I can hear that it’s beginning, you should go sit down.”

“Why are you sitting with Kurt?” At this, Kurt raised his head from his hands, and opened his mouth before closing it again.

“Why are you changing the subject?” said Sebastian, loud and abrasive enough to draw the attention back to him.

“You’re just acting really weird, Seb, and I’m not hearing any wedding stuff and I think people are starting to stare-”

“Then sit down, Blaine,” said Sebastian, his voice suddenly icy, suddenly devoid of all the bluster and anxiety it held before. 

“What?”

“You’re drawing all the attention and you _clearly_ don’t want that, so go back to your seat. Leave me and my friend alone, so I can enjoy Schue’s wedding in peace.”

“Sebastian,” Blaine began, before pausing, like he was at a complete loss for words, “why are you being so mean?”

Sebastian fought the urge to say something obnoxious and cool like “because I’m nobody’s fool and if you mess with my boy Kurt you’re messing with me” and instead opted for a shrug and a smirk and a “I don’t know. I guess I’m just not trying to get in your pants anymore.”

Blaine’s eyes widened, and Sebastian looked back to Kurt to see him looking like he was holding back a reaction, only Sebastian couldn’t tell if it was laughter or a shout. Sebastian wheeled his focus back to Blaine, who had gone from shocked to indignant, and he decided to finish the exchange.

“Blaine, we can keep this catfight up during the reception, but for the sake of Schuester I’m going to have to ask you to return to your seat, please and thank you.”

“I just wanted to say hi to Kurt.”

“Hi Blaine,” said Kurt, before scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank you Kurt, for being the adult. Bye Sebastian,” said Blaine, turning on his heel and walking away.

“See you at the reception!” yelled Sebastian after him, before turning back to Kurt with an uneasy smile. “So, how did I do?”

“Not too bad. Be less mean next time,” said Kurt, and Sebastian tried not to glow too much from the praise, meager as it was. 

At that the wedding procession began, and Sebastian settled in his seat, looking forward until chancing a subtle glance at Kurt, only to see Kurt looking nervously at him.

“What?” Sebastian asked, keeping his voice quiet.

“Hold my hand? I get sappy at weddings, and instead of crying I’ll just use you as a stress ball,” asked Kurt. 

Something about the request made Sebastian’s heart beat a bit faster, but he held his hand out, trying his best to ignore the heat rushing to his face.

“Squeeze away, nerd.”

“That’s what she said.”

-

The wedding’s rapid descent into a Sondheimian disaster didn’t see any changes in the hand holding situation, something that not only Sebastian was keenly aware of, but also Mercedes, who upon spotting the two sitting together, immediately noted that something was… _different_.

Then she realized they were holding hands.

She hurriedly looked around at the other attendants, and hoping that her distress at her former best friend hooking up with the devil himself matched the discontent in the room surrounding the failed marriage, pulled out her phone.

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Mercedes Jones  
Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

To: Mercedes Jones  
From: Tine Cohen-Chang  
Yeah this is wack,,, I’m not shocked though i would leave schue at the aisle if I got the chance

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Mercedes Jones  
No, not the wedding thing, that’s old news. Look for Kurt.

To: Mercedes Jones  
From: Tine Cohen-Chang  
If he’s with Blaine I swear to FUCKIGN GOD

From across the church, Mercedes heard the distinctive sound of a gasp.

To: Mercedes Jones  
From: Tine Cohen-Chang  
WHAT THE FUCK

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Mercedes Jones  
They are holding haNDS

To: Mercedes Jones  
From: Tine Cohen-Chang  
NO. omg they ARE what the F u CK who let him IN HERE

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Mercedes Jones  
Probably the dude holding the Antichrist’s hand, I think that’s a good bet

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Mercedes Jones  
I need to tell Blaine

-

Blaine’s stubborn focus on trying to figure out what the stained glass windows were supposed to represent (which was much less emotionally taxing than looking anywhere else at this event) was broken by a buzz in his pocket. On instinct, he pulled out his phone and checked the message.

To: Blaine Anderson  
From: Tina Cohen-Chang  
Sebastian Smythe is here and he and Kurt are probably in love

He looked around at the other people in the church, hoping against hopes that the older ones weren’t judging him for his cell phone usage in a church, which felt a bit like a sin. 

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Blaine Anderson  
Lol, they’re just friends. I talked to them. 

To: Blaine Anderson  
From: Tina Cohen-Chang  
Why are they holding hands then?

Blaine’s head whipped around faster than he thought possible for a human, and his eyes found Kurt and Sebastian, most of their torsos blocked off by the other congregants, who were staring at Will up front with a look between disdain and confusion. He only had to look closer, and he could see the tell tale way their arms angled towards each other, the subtle body language between them and whatever conversation they were whispering to each other.

He turned back and looked at his phone, in a total panic. What to say in a situation like this? He couldn’t admit defeat or surrender in the quest for Kurt’s heart, but he was still hurt. Even if he and Kurt had been broken up, why would he do that? Why would Kurt move on when there was something still between them? He looked at his phone screen, chewing on his lip before typing out his response.

To: Tina Cohen-Chang  
From: Blaine Anderson  
I doubt it’s serious. Be real. It’s Sebastian. 

-

“Do you think the bar will card at the reception?” Sebastian whispered.

“My high school glee teacher just got stood up at his own wedding, and you want to get _drunk_?”

“Number one, that serves him right for being a high school choir teacher. There’s no good karma in that, doubly so if you don’t have any adult friends so you invite your students. Number two, this is the exact situation I want to get drunk for,” Sebastian punctuated it with a squeeze to Kurt’s hand, which shouldn’t have softened him to the idea as much as it did. Kurt rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think there will even be a reception if the wedding didn’t even happen,” said Kurt, looking around the audience of the wedding, looking for any movement to or away from the reception. The adults in the room seemed intent on waiting for the bride to come to her senses, but the Glee kids, while still in their seats, were clearly aflutter with something. He could see them looking around the room and texting, and for a second, he wondered what it was about.

The “omg will is getting left at the altar” wave of texts had slowed, and Kurt doubted that was the drama that was pinging and buzzing through the church. He leaned slightly into Sebastian, seeking any semblance of comfort he could. Sebastian, much to his surprise, shifted into the motion, going so far as to gently rest the side of his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

“We could also just get drunk alone. I’ll buy the Everclear, you put colored lights in the hotel room to make it feel like a party,” murmured Kurt. 

“With that baby face? You are not going to be the one buying it. You barely even pass for a high schooler yet. Baby steps, Kurt, baby steps.”

“How long are we going to be sitting in the pews? I feel like the churchiness of it all is starting to weigh on me,” said Kurt, ignoring the previous tangent with perfect ease.

“Wanna go get something to eat? You can keep texting your friends to see if the reception is still on. We can go to the Lima Bean and pretend to be a couple to get a Valentine’s Day discount.”

“You’re so smart, let’s go,” said Kurt, pulling himself up, stretching in the seat for a moment, and then standing up, moving into the aisle while trying not to be conscious of how many eyes were probably on him. He knew that Sebastian was behind him, a comforting, grounding presence that he couldn’t imagine going without, especially in a place like this. 

Once he broke out, feeling the warm, white sun on his face, he took a deep breath. He pulled out his phone, shooting a quick “Tell me if there’ll be a reception xoxo” text before turning around to Sebastian, who, as he expected, was close behind him.

That Sebastian would follow him had become an anchor, and he was at the same time grateful and terrified for it. 

-

The Lima Bean, it turned out, did not have a couples discount. Despite this, they still ordered their coffees and a cookie. With their ties loosened and Sebastian’s jacket hanging over the chair he was sitting in, they sunk into the familiar routine of bickering in a coffee shop. 

Their coffee orders had changed since high school as a natural result of growing up and being caffeine addicted college students, but being back in Ohio had inspired them to experiment with their old orders, and the topic of conversation was critiquing their lackluster teenage tastes when Kurt’s phone buzzed.

When he looked at his phone, a visible blanket of stress came over his face, and Sebastian’s protective instinct jumped out.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, not even bothering anymore with seeming too cool to care.

“Blaine texted,” said Kurt, his voice unreadable. He didn’t type anything, instead just placing his phone on the table, screen down.

“What did he say?”

“He asked about you, asked what your deal was. What our deal was. I don’t know how to tell him…” trailed off Kurt.

“Tell him what?” asked Sebastian. His mind automatically filled in an answer for him. _That we’re together_ , came the thought, unbidden and deeply inconvenient.

Did he want that? To be with Kurt? Again, his mind filled in the answer. Yes. He wanted that so much it ached. 

Sebastian, mind suddenly swept up into a storm of an ill-timed revelation, took a bite of his cookie, hoping that Kurt couldn’t tell from across the table that his heart was hammering. At this rate, it was going to pop right out of his chest and make a mess in the middle of the Lima Bean. Fuck, falling for your best friend was nerve wracking.

“Tell him that nothing is going to happen,” said Kurt, his eyes forlorn and downcast, and Sebastian remembered why he was here.

“Why does he think anything would happen? He cheated on you. The fact that you even talk with him should be a godsend. Why does he expect anything else?” asked Sebastian, not thinking much about the bluntness of the question. He was too stressed out about realizing that wanting to plop a sweet kiss on your best friend’s lips wasn’t a chill bro thing to be anything but honest.

“I’ve always been weak for him, I guess, and he knows that.”

“You deserve so much more than being with someone who makes you feel weak, Kurt, you’re the bravest person I know.”

“At least call me gayface, or I’m going to start to think you’re in love with me,” said Kurt, smiling like nothing was wrong.

“I’ll do you one better. You have a gay face that will be carded until you die early from all of the aerosol you pump into that ridiculous hairdo. Is that better?” said Sebastian, hoping that his own smile was cocky and discreet enough.

Before Kurt could respond, his phone buzzed again, and with belligerence slowing his movements, he picked up his phone and read the message, only for his face to shift from dread to excitement.

“The reception is on! The Valentine’s Failed Wedding Reception Trainwreck Extravaganza is on.”

“Such an elaborate name for such a simple dumpster fire. Will there be karaoke?” asked Sebastian, before downing the last dregs of his coffee. Kurt did the same, and answered.

“Of course there’ll be karaoke. This is the glee club we’re talking about. Karaoke is actually what started this whole Blaine business… he insisted that we did a duet, and I figured I owed it to him-”

“When will you realize that you owe Blaine absolutely nothing-”

“Let me finish. I figured that I owed it to him, but I’m trusting that you’ll keep me from fulfilling that promise. By whatever means necessary.”

“Lethal force?”

“No, that would not be necessary.”

“But if lethal force were necessary-”

“Sebastian, on the off chance that you have no other option than that, then sure, you little maniac. But considering that it’s a wedding reception, that will not be necessary.”

“Fine. So my mission for the day is just no duet and no subsequent blowjob? I can handle that,” said Sebastian, pushing his chair out and plucking his jacket off the back, wondering if the less eye contact he made with Kurt, the easier this would be. He led the way to the car, wondering how he was going to handle the “In Love With Kurt Hummel Despite The Many Practical Issues” dilemma all the while.

-

The blue-pinklights and glinting ceiling decorations did nothing to soothe Sebastian’s nerves, especially not when upon entry to the reception, the two of them were flooded by the brunt force of the New Directions and their many, _many_ questions.

Rachel was the first one to torpedo into their space, even though she had known about the close friendship the two had struck up as a result of her New York proximity. She was used to the relationship between the two of them, and had gotten all of her confused texts out of the way, but the new public nature of the friendship brought a whole new round of questions.

“Kurt! Sebastian! What is this?” she asked, walking up to them in her special straight line walk as she yelped it out, gesturing desperately at the two of them.

“Uhh-” Kurt started, trailing off slowly.

“I’m his personal cockblocker,” cut in Sebastian, his voice all brusqueness with a hint of light jokery. 

Rachel gasped at the language, and looked between the two of them, as if searching for the lie. When she found none, she just had a million questions.

“Because of Blaine? Why? You two belong together, anyway, why should Sebastian have to block that? Also, why can’t Kurt just do that? Why do you need Sebastian to keep you from having sex? Why have the most sexed up guy do that anyway?” she asked, all the questions moving at an insane speed.

“Where do we even begin?” Sebastian asked, and Rachel’s eyebrow quirked at the use of “we”, but she shook the idea off. They would never, no matter what the other gleeks said.

“I hate you too. Go dance or something,” said Rachel, waving them off, and watching their retreating backs as they went to the bar instead of the dance floor and rolling her eyes at the sight of both Sebastian and Kurt flashing their fake IDs.

They had what felt like thirty second of peace at the bar before being sidled on both sides by Quinn and Santana respectively, who both flashed their own fakes, ordered a drink, and turned in to interrogate the boys.

“Hello, Quinn and San-”

“Why did you bring the meerkat? Are you guys in a competition about who can make the New Directions the most mad?” Quinn asked, smiling even while shooting daggers with her eyes.

“Or is this just your debutante ball to announce that you two have been fucking?” asked Santana, hot on the tails of Quinn’s question.

“Either way, the question stands. What are you two doing here together?” Quinn added, keeping with the rapid fire pace of their questions so far.

Kurt and Sebastian looked at each other with the identical expression of being entertained and worried at the same time, and after a silence conversation consisting of eyebrow movements, slight nose scrunches, and tiny smiles, they turned back to the girls at their sides.

“Oh, we’eve been fucking,” started Sebastian.

“All day every day. We barely made it to this event, it took so long to pull out of Sebastian-”

“What? I wouldn’t be the bottom in this,” interrupted Sebastian, causing Kurt to lose himself in giggles. Sebastian continued talking while Kurt was incapacitated by his own fits of laughter, saying “Don’t worry, you two won’t have to worry about poor Kurt’s virtue. We’ve been friends since-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You two are friends, that’s old news in the New York crowd. What I don’t get is why you two are looking so cozy at a wedding, of all places to platonically hang out. We saw the hand holding act, and even if we didn’t, the text storm inspired by it would’ve let me know,” said Santana, looking at her nails for a moment before peeking back up at Kurt and Sebastian, as if trying to hide her interest in how they’d react.

The reaction that flashed across their faces was that of immediate shock and worry at the idea that the whole glee club had an opinion on something that felt like, and not that either of them would admit it out loud, such a harsh moment of vulnerability.

“Call me the Muckraker, but I’d like to be in on this story. No jokes, no deflections, what’s the deal? Broke in Quinn, her gaze sharp.

“I’m just here as moral support,” said Sebastian. “Coming back to Ohio, which treated Kurt like shit, and having to run into his ex is hard, so I figured I could come and help.”

“And you did this all out of the kindness of your own heart?” asked Santana with a sardonic air.

“Yeah, I guess. The access to booze doesn’t hurt,” said Sebastian before taking a sip from his drink. Kurt smiled at this, and nodded to both the girls, a silent confirmation of the story. 

“Are you still going to do the duet with Blaine? Rachel was yapping about it the whole way here,” said Santana.

“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s- it’s complicated,” said Kurt, stumbling over his words. “Ohio is complicated.”

“Damn right,” said Santana, sneaking a not-very-furtive glance to Brittany. In a moment of deep, gay, mutual understanding, all four of the people at the bar sighed together. 

“It’s so weird to be back,” said Quinn.

“Right? Especially when I feel like I crashed the party. All of you guys have been through so much together, it feels like a different life. I didn’t even know Schuester that well, it almost feels voyeuristic that I watched him get stood up,” said Sebastian.

“Right? I was never super close to him, so all this is just _weird_ ,” added Kurt.

“Are you ready for the firing squad of questions and accusations?” Quinn asked, before taking a long sip from her drink, as if she was expecting the same thing. Kurt wondered if he missed anything from the ND Rumor Mill, before she answered his unasked question. “I barely talked to them since I left, so being in the same space all of the sudden is… I’m waiting for Rachel to walk up and yell at me for something.”

“She already yelled at us, so she’ll need a recharge period,” quipped Kurt.

“What accusations would they even throw at us?” Sebastian asked.

“I don’t even know. Probably something to do with cheating, maybe something about how you two are butt buddies. Maybe they’ll throw in something about you taking Kurt’s purity,” said Santana, her voice perfectly bland, as if starting rumors like this was just standard fare for her. Knowing her, Kurt realized, it absolutely was.

“Who’s next? In terms of interrogations?” Kurt asked, sounding more bored than anything.

“Judging by who’s watching the bar right now? You’re about to answer the same questions to Finn, for sure-”

“But he knows that we-” started Kurt.

“Doesn’t matter. Finn’s eyeing you two big time. I’m going to pop out now. Santana? Want to dance?”

“I’d love to,” replied Santana, hopping off of the barstool and bounding off to the dance floor, leaving Kurt and Sebastian to the next interrogations.

-

Finn, as predicted, did give them the third degree the second that Santana and Quinn vacated the bar. The questions and the answers were the same as with the girls, but now with more exposition on how they met, and how they had gone from mortal enemies to people who stole clothes from each other. Finn had heard most of the stories before, but was slow enough on the upkeep that it required some reminders. 

“Why didn’t you tell him about our movie nights?” Sebastian asked the minute he left, smiling as he did so.

“I didn’t think he’d be interested!” replied Kurt, putting his hands up in a defensive gesture before taking another swig from his drink. He was steadily on his way to being tipsy, now, and he was chasing it.

“I think he would’ve appreciated it, if only as a sign that you haven’t been abducted and switched out with a Kurt clone. Making me watch Hello Dolly every Friday is a total Kurt move, he’d love it.”

“Okay, let’s fact check that statement-”

“The sexiest words known to man. Shoot.”

“More than half of the time these days, you’re the one who wants to watch it, mostly because of your weird obsession with learning the lines, but whatever. Also, we do not watch it every Friday, maybe every other Friday, and that’s being generous,” listed off Kurt, his voice moving almost too fast to keep up with itself- sometimes he’d trip over a word or a syllable, much to the entertainment of Sebastian, who was modding along with an untameable tipsy smile.

“We should sing a song together,” said Sebastian, speaking the most recent thought that swirled around the front of his lazy brain.

“That’s off topic!”

Before Sebastian would respond to Kurt’s accusation, Mercedes walked up to Kurt’s side, casting a sweet but warysmile at the pair.

“How are you two doing today?” she asked, her eyes squinting at Sebastian, as if she could look hard enough and unmask his intentions.

“We’re enjoying the music,” said Sebastian, “I loved your cover, very good. How do you get your voice like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don't know, talented?” Sebastian asked, his eyes wide and sincere, a look that made Kurt laug under his hand.

“Practice?” answered Mercedes, confused at his sudden ability to be a nice person.

“Noted.,” said Sebastian, nodding gravely like he was taking it to heart. Mercedes just gave him a close-lipped, wide eyed smile, and turned to Kurt.

“When are you going to sing with Blaine? I think he’s waiting but your, um, guard dog has scared him off a bit-”

“Good,” said Sebastian.

“What?” Mercedes asked, looking between Sebastian and Kurt in a moment of panic.

“He’s joking-” 

“I’m not! Don’t sing that song with him! Literally nothing good will come out of it, Kurt!”

“Other than a good song,” said Mercedes with a friendly smile that went ignored.

“I promised Blaine I’d do karaoke with him, I can’t go back on that-“

“Nooooo Kurt don’t leave! Our banter is so fun!” Said Sebastian, his eyes widening and his drink sloshing a bit as he put in on the bar again, as if entering a fighting stance. Mercedes herself took a step back, watching the whole interaction with pure fascination.

“But I proooooomised,” whined Kurt, trying to slip off of the barstool. Sebastian clearly noticed, and he grabbed Kurt’s wrist to stop him.

“No,” he said sternly, “You will not be engaging in any musical foreplay this evening, especially not with Blaine.”

“It’s not foreplay-“

“What were you going to sing?”

“The song is called ‘I Just Can’t Get Enough’, but-”

“You’re fucking hopeless, that’s so obviously foreplay-”

“We weren’t going to do it in a sexy way!” replied Kurt, slamming his palm on the bar to emphasize his point.

“Kurt, with all due respect, if your intention is to not hook up with Blaine, you may need to choose a different song,” said Mercedes. “I definitely remember hearing Blaine say something about how it was a sexy song.”

“I shouldn’t have let him pick, I’m so stupid-” began Kurt, until his words stilled the second Sebastian reached out to hold his hand, looking him in the eyes with an intense, determined stare that made Mercedes feel like she was watching a moment that was supposed to be private.

“You aren’t stupid, Kurt. Blaine has a way of getting what he wants, and it’s not a question of how strong or smart you are. I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to do or sing anything you don’t want to, understand?”

Kurt nodded, and put his other hand on Sebastian’s as he gave him a watery smile. “Thank you,” he whispered. He turned to Mercedes. “Could you maybe try to hold Blaine off for a little longer? Me and Sebastian could use some time to strategize our way out.”

“Umm, sure,” said Mercedes. She walked away after a few seconds of awkward silence, and looked for Blaine, leaving Kurt and Sebastian alone again.

“How many more of these do you think we’ll have to do before we have to fight the big boss?” Kurt asked, before looking over at Sebastian, seeing him dazed and smiling at Kurt as he answered.

“Either way? We can handle him.”

“I love the confidence,” said Kurt, before taking another long drag of his drink. “Love to have some of it one day.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll come. If confidence and you couldn’t come when you were with Blaine, it wasn’t a love match.”

“Did you just say-”

“Yeah. You have that vibe,” said Sebastian with a smug smile, making Kurt roll his eyes.

“I will not confirm or deny. Not when karaoke is still technically on the table with him.”

“Bullshit. You will not sing with him. Being in a room with him stresses you out, and I know you take duets seriously as a form of, like, romantic expression. You rarely sing them with me, and we’ve been mistaken for a couple more times than I can count.”

“What does that have to do with it?” asked Kurt, looking down at the bar instead of at Sebastian, making him wonder if this, if _them_ , was somehow a sore subject.

“Wh-what? I mean, it’s just- romantic expression, I guess, and clearly we are- well, not clearly, exactly, it’s just… god, I don’t know.”

Then, breaking all of the tension that had suddenly overtaken them with a whole, new source of stress, was Blaine, rocketing to the pair and stepping over by Kurt’s side, a tad too close for comfort.

“Kurt, are you ready to do the song?” he asked, his eyes laser focused on Kurt, not even acknowledging Sebastian. 

“Sorry, Kurt can’t sing,” broke in Sebastian, his voice harsh, even through his forced smile.

“What?” Blaine asked, taken aback.

“Yeah. He has laryngitis.”

There was a moment between the three of them of total confusion, of “well, where the fuck do we go from here?” before Blaine spoke again, his brow set and his face determined.

“I wanna hear this from Kurt.”

“You can’t.”

“Why?” Blaine asked, his voice taking on a competitive, goading edge.

“Kurt can’t talk, he has laryngitis. It’s called vocal rest, Blaine, look it up.”

At this, Blaine turned his whole body to Kurt in a silent plea for honesty, only to be treated by Kurt shrugging, his face perfectly neutral. Blaine sighed, and walked away, refusing to deal with Sebastian for even another minute. After a moment of silence at the bar, Kurt looked between Blaine at the refreshments table and Sebastian.

“You know he can see us talking, right? We’ve been just sitting at the bar because you don’t trust me to stand without accidentally falling on Blaine’s dick, or whatever, and he can see us when we talk. You get that, right?” Kurt asked, trying a failing to push down an amused smile.

“Here, cough really loud so he can see that talking caused you pain.”

Kurt followed the direction, trying his best to make a loud, bursting cough, and when his effort had satisfied him, he stopped and took another sip of his drink, much to Sebastian’s amusement, judging by the heightened sparkle in his eye.

“We really are a fantastic team,” said Sebastian, smiling with such unabashed affection for Kurt that he almost choked on his drink.

“We are,” said Kurt, before laughing a bit under his breath. “Remember when we hated each other?”

“Oh, I still hate you,” said Sebastian, adding a dramatic motion of pretending to tuck his hair behind his ear.

“What? Why?” asked Kurt, also adopting that jokey, fake-dramatic tone.

“I hate that I have to be an adult right now. You’re making an honest man of me, Kurt Hummel,” said Sebastian, before sighing and looking off, as if wistfully gazing into a sunset. 

“Shut up, you aren’t being an adult. You’re just being persistent,” said Kurt before poking Sebastian in the arm.

“I feel like keeping you from hooking up with an ex is a pretty adult cause.”

“Plenty of adults hook up with exes,” Kurt scoffed.

“Nah, that’s a baby move.”

“Babies don’t hook up or have exes. Checkmate.”

“Fine. It’s an immature move to hook up with the dude who cheated on you.”

“He almost cheated on me with you. Checkmate,” said Kurt, adding another poke to the arm.

“Just because you say checkmate after it doesn’t make it a valid argument.”

“It hasn’t failed me yet,” said Kurt, and when he tried to do another arm poke, Sebastian grabbed his hand midway, and held it, letting their joined hands fall to the bar.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” said Sebastian, his gaze sharp as he looked at Kurt, examining his face and calculating the chance of if he kissed Kurt right now, that Kurt would kiss him back.

He deemed it not high enough to try, but not low enough to let go of his hand.

“You’re so confusing,” said Kurt, his voice nearly as soft as a whisper. 

“I know. Not as confusing as you, though. You’re a real anomaly, Kurt Hummel.”

“Shut up. I’m already feeling delicate. If you keep talking, I’m gonna act up. Who knows, maybe I’ll go up and start singing you a song, karaoke glee style.”

“You’re crazy if you think you’ll sing alone. I think that you and I duetting would cause a riot, but it would be totally worth it,” said Sebastian, playing with Kurt’s hand as he spoke, rubbing circles into it with his thumb.

“This is sofucking weird. If you told me a year ago that I’d be here, with you, talking about duets, I’d think I was crazy.”

“I think that’s kind of the theme of our relationship. Things you didn’t expect,” said Sebastian, and his eyes flitted up to Kurt, meeting his in an intense staredown. 

“If you don’t stop this I’m going to think you’re into me. You understand that, right?”

“Depends. Are you into-”

As if on cue, Sam stepped in between them, not noticing anything about their demeanor, and spoke. “It’s cake time! Want me to save you two a spot in the line?”

“Sure,” said Kurt, not letting his eyes leave his and Sebastian’s staredown. Same nodded and spun around, making a beeline to the cake line, and shooting the pair a thumbs up that neither of them saw.

“I’m not going to have a one night stand with my best friend at a wedding, okay? If you want to- if you want to _do_ this, you can’t be an idiot about it, okay? I know you too well to just- I- I like you. I like your sense of humor and how deeply, insanely smart you are, I like watching Hello Dolly with you and the way you sing along to all of the songs, and I’d rather be your friend than wake up alone. If you’re in 100%, then I am in, but you need to be in it, do you understand?”

“Darling? I'm in this 110%.”

Sebastian squeezed his hand again, and Kurt smiled so wide his cheeks were hurting.

“You know,” said Kurt, “I'd kiss you right now, but I think the ensuing Glee Riot would kill us both.”

“Worth it,” said Sebastian, leaning in and capturing Kurt’s lips in a soft, indulgent kiss. 

(The bartender, having witnessed the entire saga, respectfully averted his gaze.)

-

An hour or two later, after a significant amount of feelings-spilling and more drinks, Kurt and Sebastian got on stage for karaoke.

“Hello New Directions!” said Sebastian, doing his best beauty queen wave.

“We are going to be performing a song from-”

“Our favorite movie-”

“Your favorite movie,” corrected Kurt as the title and artist of the song came on screen, eliciting a groan or two from the audience.

“Is this song six minutes long? Yes. Will we sing the whole thing? Yes,” said Sebastian, getting even more groans.

At that Kurt began to sing the opening lyrics of “Hello Dolly”, a big smile on his face and his eyes on his boyfriend, reaching his hand out as he sang with as much camp and drama as he could muster.

Sebastian took the hand with a smile, and for a shared moment of bliss, they both just existed in the total comfort of knowing that they had been able to know each other at the right time and place for this to happen, for them to be this overwhelmingly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Peep my tumblr @thesubtextmachine, and consider sending me a prompt!


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